I know I have been quiet for a few months on this blog but I thought I might give you guys some new updates!
First off by starting, I’m working back at my favorite job in the world at American Girl! I’ve been on the go since I’ve started back at the end of October, but I really love to learn this job more and more each day. The holiday season is here at our store and it can get crazy at times, but I’m loving every minute of it.
I’ve just finished celebrating my son’s 9th birthday this weekend and I’ve celebrated being with my husband for 11 years. I’ve reflected a lot on these key milestones and I couldn’t be happier with how my life turned out. My kids are doing amazing in school and I and my husband have achieved a lot of important goals this year.
I had to make some few adjustments into my work schedule and lifestyle to fit my part-time job, but I’m finding it to be a good challenge and something to look forward to in the up and coming year.
I have tonnes of projects I’m continuing to work on. Such as opening my first Etsy store for my art projects. I have a new erotic book series I’m working on and I’m trying to develop my freelance writing services through Upwork.com. I’m still working on my WIP books on Wattpad.com and writing for my publications on Medium.com. I’m also looking at doing a FREE book series of my short stories that I’m working on, or have finished in the past.
I’m pretty excited about showing off the things that I’ve worked on. I also can’t wait to share my adventures with my new found career and growing family!
The circle of life is balanced around you…
Continue reading The Circle Of Life
It wasn’t enough to pull me from this void. I had vowed to get myself out of this void and into where my heart truly needed to be, but it wasn’t enough. When you work so hard that you can almost taste the sweet victory, only for it to slip away from your hands…
Continue reading Another Day
Just a few weeks ago, the family and I did our first car wash and it was a success!
It was so fun watching the kids wash the car with my husband. Even though my husband wet us from time to time! It was still an amazing milestone and I can not wait to make this a weekly chore for us!
I really don’t know how to put into words how much I want to thank this particular person. I know its super silly to put my feelings out there for one particular actor…but without me discovering his show, the movies he has done and just him in general…I don’t think I would have discovered my love for writing and my devotedness to the craft.
You see, four years ago I was in a rough spot. I was in a shelter with my family and I didn’t have much of an outlet or a good clear understanding of a life I wanted to lead for my family and myself. But it was four years ago that I and my husband decided to watch this little show called “Game of Thrones”. We were instantly hooked after the first episode but for me, there was one actor and character that stood out to me…his name was Kit Harington his character was Jon Snow. Maybe it was his acting chops, maybe it was his handsome looks or maybe it was both. But I just couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with the show and the amazing actor…
My obsession with him has started me reading fanfictions about him and Jon Snow. One night I decided to this movie I stumbled upon called “Pompeii”. I have to admit I didn’t know Kit’s name. I only knew him as Jon Snow (I was caught up with season 4 at the time). So when I saw him in this movie for the very first time…
I was really shocked and instantly hooked…
One night where I couldn’t sleep, I landed on a story on AO3
of his character from Pompeii. I was so intrigued by Kit, the writer and her work that I started to follow her stories on Tumblr
. (She is now one of my best friends in the entire galaxy). After spending a whole night reading her stories and looking through countless blogs about Kit, Jon Snow & Game of Thrones fandom, I decided to create my own blog
for the site (my first ever blog I ever created).
While I was on my Kit fandom adventures, I decided to try and write my own fanfictions. Some were a success, some were a complete failure (I really didn’t know how to write in the beginning and made huge errors). I’ve met so many interesting followers that I’ve become great friends with outside the fandom. But during my fandom adventures, in November 2014, I and my family lost our potential housing in NYC and we lost our unborn son during my second trimester. This really sent me into a deep depression and I almost ended my life at that point. I desperately looked to Kit’s projects and the fandom for comfort during this hard time…I did meet some backlash for writing poems & erotic stories about Kit or his characters and my love for him in poetry form, but that was the only thing in my mind that was keeping me afloat from my grief…
One night while I was getting myself to feel better from my grief, I decided to write my own original short story not based on Kit or his characters. I’ve gotten some nice feedback, along with me writing my own original poetry writings for my blog. It took me two years to develop but from the help of my husband and my friends from my Tumblr blog, I decided to write my first poetry book “A Letter From My Heart”.
With this book, it spawned me to really know how to be a successful blogger & author full time. For the next three years after this, I’ve written over three other books, I’ve got one of my fan fiction writings “Take Me Away” noticed by his director in “Brimstone”
I’m also now part of a successful publication with Coffee House Writers
as a creative writer and I’m currently working on a new poetry book to be published with more novels to come soon…
I started off not knowing what I wanted to do with my life or knowing how to get out of my bad situation with my family. But just for watching Kit and his ever-growing projects and how dedicated he is to his craft & work…I thought to myself I can do the same. He came into my life during my weakest spot…all I want to say to him is Thank You…
Thank you for introducing me to your lovely fans and followers that I call friends and family and my own fans to my work…
Thank you for being my inspiration to my work and career path so far…
Thank You, Kit Harington, for everything
Gratitude should be directed at everything in this life. – Brenda Nathan
Depression is something that I’ve very familiar with. It’s a dark being that lives inside your head that tells you these evil things about you. It manipulates you to believe that you are alone and no one can help you.
It tells you that you are weak for seeking help. It tells you your loved ones are better off without you. This dark being that lives inside your head makes you feel like your less than anything and it tells you your family and friends are better off not having you exist anymore.
Yes, I’m very familiar with depression and suicide. After my rape back in 2005, I tried to end my life after I found out I was pregnant and I ended up getting an abortion from that rape. It was a botched attempt that sought me mental therapy throughout my high school years.
My second attempt was the death of my son Crighton. I blamed myself for our son’s loss and till this day it still feels like it’s my fault. But this second attempt landed me in the mental hospital overnight while my family was still stuck in the homeless shelter.
Yes, I’m familiar with depression and suicide. It pains me to read about Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain and how they ended their lives. I can imagine this ever lurking monster living inside their heads telling them lies about themselves and putting them in so much pain. I’m sure they did everything they could to fight this evil and manipulative monster…but your brain and heart can only take so much pain…They did the last and final result to shut up their demons in their head for good and its to take their own life…
Some would say they were taking the easy way out. I say they were trying to shut up the evil and vile monster that was embedded in their head and soul…They were trying to silence that evil part in their brain that had been screaming at them for so long.
It’s an ever going battle between you and the monster that lurks in your brain. At times you will win and have victories, but your depression will find ways to win their battles. Ultimately when your depression grows very strong; it will find a way to win the war for all eternity.
I’ve fought many battles with my own depression and won (for now…). But I still need to find a way to win the war against my depression, I can only do that one day at a time.